"Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex... but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past—the memories—and make peace with them."

January

Work

Im pretty on the fence about this. On one hand Im really loving everything im doing and it seems like im learning well and doing well in the role, and on the other i feel like i have to do more more more to hit my targets. guess im just super impatient? but definitely putting in alot more effort into work and still super happy and motivated. its a different kind of stress compared to in my previous stint, and im so much healthier and happier and motivated now:)

Living

Gus is happy, I am happy! Living alone really is forcing me to adult- groceries, laundry, chores, cleaning, financial planning on top of work and social life!! exhausting but very fulfilling

Family, friends, bf

All doing well! Having a much better relationship w family now we live apart (duh), friends are ok with many of them coming over to visit Gus and just chill at my place, spending alot more time with Bryan before he flies (in 2 weeks) and also feeling like the relationship is moving on to the next stage with much improved communication and understanding

All in all a good and busy and stressful and expensive January, I cant wait to do more in the career aspect (plenty of time when bry leaves haha), but for now I have to remind myself to hold my horses and focus on the now ie. spend time with bry/ family because CNY!

My week @ Facebook

If you follow me on Instagram you would know (because I have been shamelessly and relentlessly posting my lunches and office space on my stories) I started at Facebook. It's been a little over a week here and as of today I can say this place is definitely my dream place to work.

The open spaces, superb cityscape, different buffet menus for all 3 meals every day, massage chairs, arcades, amenities, micro-kitchens are definite perks. But these aside.... the spam of quotes on the walls everywhere are super empowering. And they aren't just there for the sake of it. I see people here living and acting on the culture and the values which define the organisation.

"Nothing at Facebook is someone else's problem"- every single person I've met so far answered all my questions and addressed all my concerns to the best of their abilities- from work related questions to helping me fix up the treadmill so i could use it. Like you can see that they really take it upon themselves to provide the best solution they can offer, and that is something really heartwarming and refreshing.

What amazes me is how open people are. It all sounds and seems too good to be true- everyone is so positive, constructive and open to everything. People smile and greet you along the corridors. Hours are flexible as long as you take ownership of what you do. Dress however you like and come to work in your most authentic self- this means me in my activewear or whatever hair colour i want, just so long as i am comfortable.

And all these things just mean so much to me. The fact that everyone acknowledges that everybody is different, and embraces this instead of getting people to fit into a certain culture or way of working. Another quote reads "We are a culture of cultures", and I really love that. Everyone is moving so fast and creating impact and it is so refreshing to be in an environment with a flat hierarchy where every individual brings something to the table.

With a company and its people who really give the best to its employees and to external stakeholders, it makes me so motivated and inspired and EXCITED to dive right in and start work!! (We're having training now; Im in a development program which I count myself super lucky to be in because 1) I dont think FB has many (if any) "fresh" grad roles? Like Im the youngest person I know now there; and 2) I didnt apply for this, i just got a call one day!)

All i can say is that things are really taking a turn for me. This year started off and continued on to be one of the worst years. But im now seeing everything in my life taking a drastic turn- I got a cat i love and look forward to coming home to every day, I (finally) quit my job and landed myself in this amazing opportunity where I'm happy and excited, other smaller scale but noteworthy events include being a hair model for the first time and cutting my hair to the shortest it's ever been, and... next HUGE change coming in 3 weeks ;)

Hi mates its the end of an e(y)ra

I wrote a pretty long piece about the past 16 months that had led up to this moment, but it was such a painful and depressing post i have decided to not share it. Long story short, I was miserable in my first job and an amazing miracle happened- and I say miracle because I didn’t apply for this upcoming job, I was literally called up for this opportunity. I think alot about how I allowed the past 16 months to play out, and how im throwing my ‘tax life’ together with 4 years of study all away (i know its not true because i've learnt so much more than just the technical bits). But I know above it all the past 16 months have made me realize what I sure as heck don’t wanna be doing in life. You really accept what you think you deserve. I cant wait to start this new journey and be surrounded by motivated personalities all with the same passion for impact and effecting change. It makes me so excited to know I can potentially play a part in literally changing the world. Most of all I am so, so relieved to have a second shot knock at my door. Im hella excited!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also another major, unexpected (and expensive... cries) change in my life coming right up. Looks like 2019's gonna be radically different!

A necessary weeding out

At the start I'd take my phone out and swipe to where the app used to be, only to remember I had deleted it. With IG off my hands for now, ive been spending the extra filler time:

• Reading (already read 2 books this month, and looking out for a new book to start on!) Writing (I got a very pretty planner as a gift for Christmas, and I’ve been religiously writing and reflecting in it) 
•  Getting things done (Making changes job wise, financially, paying more attention to real life, planning for my solo trip to Japan! jk its not a solo trip even tho the planning for it has been pretty solo *shoots dagger eyes*) 
• Trying to deal with my insomnia. I always thought it was normal/ brushed it aside that I could lay in bed for up to 4 hours before actually getting sleep/ I've been waking up at least 3x a night for as long as I can remember.. went ahead to buy Lush's sleepy lotion (heard and read great reviews about it). I still wake up a few times every night but I've been getting a much deeper sleep since! I guess also without IG to scroll at night, my falling asleep has been further expedited. 

Im giving myself ~a month to be off (1/2-3/4 there!) the app to learn how to prioritize my energy and focus on more fulfilling things. So far it's been going pretty well!

2017 outtakes

Travel

This year I spent some remaining days in Taiwan for exchange, and went to Hong Kong, Korea, USA and Thailand.

HK Disneyland!!

My second time in Korea and first solo trip- I very much enjoyed the luxury of planning on my own, cancelling plans last minute and going ahead with impromptu ones as and when, meeting and going out to party with other solo travellers, also having a cute auntie try to speak to me in Korean and tell me i was pretty when in fact i was a very fat ball with red hair!! I U-turned to ask to take a photo with her so i could remember that moment forever- that a simple action of a compliment from a stranger speaking a foreign language at my super rock bottom stage and in the midst of self-discovery/ self-recovery could mean so much encouragement albeit superficial in a sense HAHA and im so glad i did :) solo trips are awesome, cant wait for my next one

Making friends on solo trips and helping each other take photos haha!

Very very friendly accoms manager Patrick!

Thailand was just a shopping trip with Boh, Belle, Chris and Yao- we went to a bunny café, which was my favourite part of the entire trip!! Did the usual touristy stuff before heading back to rush all work in the remaining days left of recess week :>

Through travelling in the US I hiked up the continent's tallest waterfall, skydived, watched a Broadway musical, went to Boston Music Festival (think Tegan and Sara, Oh Wonder, XX, the 1975, Mumford and Sons all in a day), went kickboxing for the first time, saw the Grand Canyon, went to places that sound like a distant dream (Santa Monica, Malibu Beach, Hollywood, Highway 1, Big Sur), went back to Central Park, attended a wedding in Providence, partied till I died, went out for solo morning walks, sat in cafes to read, attended a Pride event, reconnected with friends I havent seen in 11 years. I learnt and grew so much!! 1.5 months abroad and across the States with Chris Leonard Alex in the West and then Liren LapWay and Akshay in the East mainly- being the baby is always fun because you dont need to drive, and laundry is all done for you!! (Looks like I actually didn't grow up that much haha)

Glacier Point, Yosemite

Al and Mimi, reunited with them after 11 years<3

Forever special

Boston Pride :')

2016/2017 were the years I ventured on my own and into the unknown, and realized even in the darkest hours how much beauty there is in the world. I got to know more about the lives of strangers id never meet again and in those few hours/days of getting to know them, I learnt so much about their dreams, their goals, the things that made them smile, what made them tick. More importantly for myself i learnt how to take a breather from the noise of routine- id go out for solo moments, forced myself to eat alone in crowded restaurants/ sit with other strangers and learnt to embrace solitude. The past years I led a very sheltered, mundane life, and because of the choices I made and the people I stayed with, I was almost set on that route for life. Im glad I gave all of that up. In this adventure I found independence, and the strength to build my own identity from scratch. I no longer need anyone to be my “other half” or to “complete me” because I am whole on my own, and the feeling of ownership and this newfound autonomy is just so overwhelming and indescribable

People

Out went the people who were draining and holding me back. I became a whole lot more discerning this year- not surprising considering my encounters in 2016. I learnt to weed out the people who just weren't good for me anymore, and decided to double down on only the most important people in my life. (I have more than these 2 friends below i promise!!)

Finally a proper photo!

Tifflo forever

Lim Clan has been good. It's been odd because Im finally back at home after spending 4 years in hall/ abroad, but Bryan has entered the army this year so the house still feels pretty quiet. Gatherings have become more rare but it's always a good time!

Lazy to find a proper photo so here's us on New Year's Eve!

Also landed myself in a relationship this year. Funny how life takes a turn at the most unexpected places and times, with the most unexpected person. He has the worst memory in the world, is the most annoying person ive ever dated, and will probably only read this post 5 months after its posted. But this odd human takes adversity in his stride, has the biggest heart and is the most caring, supportive, driven, optimistic, fun, filial, confident, inspiring, secure lil shit ever. I don’t say it enough because irritating each other is how we roll but he makes me very very happy :-) (i just read that he called me irritating like a cactus on his Wordpress but he promised he will be less annoying this year so im not really sure whats going on)

Rare photo of us not wanting to kill each other

I must say i fared pretty well with people this year- counting my blessings in the form of a few reliable, go-to friends whenever I'm in need, the unconditional love from my family, and a pretty solid guy my way- so im all for keeping this up for the coming year!

Self

Armstrong!

In 2017 I only went back to the shelter a couple of times. Gave back in other smaller and different ways, through donations to other causes, helping strangers I see around me. As for self development, this year was pretty good in terms of the amount of reflection i've done, writings in my journal and on other platforms.

For the coming year, I want to be kinder. 2016 had been rough on me and 2017 i learnt to get back on my feet. 2018 has to be a continuation and this cannot come without kindness. Growing up, i have always been easily stressed out, by surroundings but mainly through constant, self pressure. So goal for 2018: kindness in my perception of self. Hopefully with this comes kindness projected outwards as well.

Many things to do in the coming year with regard to career, and to making the right decisions that would allow me to be better and happier. So 2018- to getting things done.

The West, 2017

*None of these photos have been edited in any way- Straight out of my Canon

The roadtrip from San Fran down to LA

Hanging out with the guys yesterday made me think back on the amazing month spent roadtripping with them just a few months before.

Chris and I flew over from Singapore to San Francisco. To save money, we had chosen the flight that had 3 layovers- in HongKong, Shanghai and Seattle. HUGE mistake. It was so exhausting having to check in 4 times and run to the next checkpoint especially when our flight before was delayed!! I've always believed that money could be better spent on the trip itself instead of the journey there, but I think in future I'm just going to pay a bit more for comfort haha

Because Leonard and Alex still had their final exams, Chris and I drove down to LA ourselves immediately after landing in SF, and spent around 5 days there. The LA airbnb was my favourite- there were 3 cats!! The weather was awesome, the house was cosy, everything was perfect :')

Big Sur, California. I was looking forward to this for weeks but it was really cloudy that day, so we only have this dull photo

Amongst other places we went to the Hollywood sign, Santa Monica Pier, Muscle Beach, the Big Sur. We also got into our first car accident- a car perpendicular to us drove straight into my side of the car: I remember tearing in shock, speechless, my hands shaking even after as i typed on my phone to tell my friends and family. All's good now and Im happy to still be alive wew!

We drove back up to SF to meet the rest of the guys, spent a few days there and headed to do some hiking. Yosemite, the Grand Canyon, Zion national parks were just a few we went to. But each national park took my breath away. Yosemite was beautiful- we hiked a 12 hour hike up the continent's tallest waterfall. The terrain and mini streams and steps that were just half a metre wide.. so many potential slips, but we were rewarded with the most magnificent view. I'll definitely be back!! The Grand Canyon on the other hand has always been on my bucket list. It felt so surreal to be sitting by the precipice with my feet hanging off the edge.

Upper Yosemite Falls - couldnt believe that just 6 hours before this I was all the way below! 

The Grand Canyon (South Rim)

Leonard and I also skydived for the first time, and we did it over Zion National Park. Rick brought us up to 14,000 feet in the air for this. I remember my sleep deprivation from being on the road, having 2 hours of sleep in Vegas the night before and then having the guys drive 4 hours from 5am in the morning for this (we had to cross the state to get to the skydiving location, which included a time difference change as well).

Leonard! (and his horrible landing hahaha)

Of course we had many city moments which included A LOT of outlet shopping, Disneyland, hunting for food- probably a separate post. Personally, nothing beats the nature I saw. The views, vast lands, cliffs, the roaring waves.. those were some of the happiest moments of my life

Horseshoe Bend was spectacular!! I was in awe

I must say that the Antelope Canyon was a little disappointing, probably because it was cloudy that afternoon and the colours werent as vibrant as i expected hmm

Some cold night in LA on the way back after dinner to our Airbnb with 3 cats!!

Roadtripping on Highway 1

Another evening at the Airbnb- the colours are just breathtaking

Palm trees everywhere in California

All in all, amazing first half of my trip in the States, great company, 10/10 experiences! I already cannot wait to be back :-)